"I Have Hidden Thy Word In My Cleavage, That I Might Not Sin Against Versace"

A couple years ago I had a problem with my alma mater's new fangled way of doing their mass Easter communion. Single Serving PrePackaged Wafer & Juice Communion Cups. Just peel off the top film, scarf the Catholic approved styrofoam wafer, peel off the second film, chug the juice and feel the blood and processed body of Christ surge through you. Convenient? Cheaper? Cleaner? Yup, yup, yup! But it also robbed the communal spirit communion should bring - no breaking of the bread, no sharing of the cup. It felt more like tossing back that final koolaid at Heaven's Gate.

Well, now the wolves have done it again with the NanoBible ... here's the rather creepy-esque "ad:"



Sure, I can see why microfiche-ing the Bible to a size easy transported by ingested latex condom could be useful if, say, you had to smuggle it into Stalin's Russia, but to actually turn it into jewelry?

I imagine someone sees this and thinks "well now I can always have a Bible with me for that special moment where I could lead someone to Christ," if you happen to have a microfiche reader from your local Library Surplus store handy.

At some point in my Christian education I was taught to never have a Bible you would think twice about giving away. Yet as Bibles pass $30, $40, $50 and more, they're becoming investments that are increasingly more difficult to part with. Now you have Cross Of Gold 2.0 - and it serves no other purpose than to laud a superficial faith over those you deem less worthy.

It just gets more insidious at the company website:

In this fast-paced world we live in, it is becoming increasingly difficult to hang on to basic values. Speed and efficiency have become the new gods in our society: computers are continuously being improved to become faster, more efficient; cell phones now include miniature computers with internet and e-mailing capacity, as well as a video plus camera all rolled into one; larger planes are being built so that more people can get to where they’re going, faster; satellite technology has become so efficient that it can now read what you’re reading!

What any of that has to do with the Bible, I have no idea, but then Christians haven't been very good at marketing in the last hundred years. I continue here with a few bits from their "What We Believe" page, which reads worse than most Jr High youth group sermons I've heard in my life (No offense, Tommy or Mark. Pete, on the other hand ...)

Let’s face it: technological progress has taken over the lives of many of us in Westernized societies, leaving very little room for contemplation, or for fully experiencing all the interesting details ...... zzzzzzz ......

Since we couldn’t beat advancing technology, we decided to join it by bringing to the world something that would remind us ......

If God is in all things, and if Christians hold the Holy Bible to be the Word of God, then what better way to remember Him and honor His Word, than to be able to “wear” it at all times and in all places?

Uh ... "reading" it?

Yes, folks! [ They actually say "Yes, folks!" on their website...] We believe that even in this crazy world, there IS a place for God and His Word in our hectic, impossible daily lives… So don’t wait, and make room in your life for the Nano Bible™ starting today!

I'm going back to my happy imaginary land where everything makes sense, Christians are good people and Bibles are not choking hazards.

If someone can tell me this is all a big joke, I will give the site free hosting for a year.